Oh the Woes

I recently read an article interviewing an author named Randy Susan Meyers that spoke a lot about motherhood. She said, "We always love our children; we don't always love being mothers." And I'm finding this to be true even though I've only been a mother for 8 weeks. Before the girls were here, motherhood sounded like the Promised Land (excuse the biblical reference- I know it's a poor comparison). I think it seemed this way maybe because it took us so long to get pregnant. Having a baby was a dream. Being a mom meant there was going to be sweet cuddles, smiles to light up the day, perfect little fingers & toes...

I have found all of those things are true and so rewarding. But I've also been plagued with guilty thoughts. One of the most common things that crosses my mind is, "This would be so much easier if there were only one baby." But I can't imagine whom exactly I think I would be getting rid of... Ha! (I'm not willing to part with either one of our girls, obviously!) I seem to be weakest when I have the least amount of sleep. Imagine that. Ms Meyers also said, "Done right, motherhood begs the question, do you mind stepping aside for a lifetime?”

I've never read a book that Ms Meyers has written, so I've no idea whether or not she is a believer, but that last question echoes the call on my life not just as a mother, but as a follower of Christ. Do you mind stepping aside? "To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps." (1 Peter 2:21) We are expected to crucify ourselves as Christ was crucified- our sin nature, selfish desires, and what we perceive as our rights- nailed to our personal cross. By doing this, we serve others & glorify Christ, sharing in His suffering and becoming more like Him. This call on my life has become even more challenging as a mother. What kind of shepherd will I be to my little flock of two?

It's funny how God answered my thought that things would be easier with one baby. He introduced me to a TV show called Quints by Surprise. Watching a family handle quintuplets makes me feel silly for stressing out about twins! God definitely humbled me with that one! I'm thankful that He's with me every step of this journey as I figure out how to be a mom to these two beautiful blessings!

Dream Team

Adam and I have been having funny dreams since we became parents. There is often that half awake, half asleep time when you hear a baby on the monitor and feel like you're holding her in your arms....but you're really just lying in bed. And my favorite, random quote from Adam- when I wake him up to help me feed the girls I always say, "It's time" and he replies, "Which one?" because he thinks there is something wrong with one of them.

Last night I dreamed that Eliza started walking! No, she wasn't a year old... She was her present age/size and wearing her little footed pajamas. Everyone was amazed at our miraculous, walking 6 week old! Ha. Judith joined in after she saw what Eliza was up to. Uh-mazing. And they looked so cute in their little pj's!

The funniest dream was Adam's, though. He dreamed he was holding Eliza. He gave her a little squeeze only to find she was gone! He thought he dropped her! He was alarmed because she wasn't crying. No longer dreaming, he starts literally scanning the floor in the pitch black dark. He cautiously puts one tip toe down after the other making sure he doesn't step on her. He flips the bedside lamp on & searches the floor for her, but she's not there! He tears through the covers looking for her in the bed, but she's not there either! It is at this point, that he started to realize he was dreaming & Eliza was safe in her crib! Ha. Poor guy was freaked out!

Clearly, we are sleep deprived these days! :-) As we celebrate the girls 6 week birthday today, we dream of the day when we will get some more sleep & stop acting like crazy people!